Thursday, July 10, 2008

Bang and Blame

Life is unfulfilling.

Why is that? What is it? It's you. It's me (actually).

I've blogged about the artist Bobby Chiu before. He's a Toronto artist whose YouTube videos I watch a lot. It's the narration that kills me everytime. Bobby Chiu is an amazing artist, but it's his attitude and philosophy that I envy most.

I know that I have blogged about my job before. I have been doing a lot of very heavy thinking about it lately. I have finally decided that I do not belong here. This job is what it is... and it will never get better. I will never get better working here. Bobby Chiu said something in the video I watched last night about creative jobs. It really struck a nerve.

He talked about having a creative job that you dread. He said he would rather be doing something non-creative than be in a situation that made him dislike art. He's right. This job makes me dislike art. I get home at night and want to draw or paint or work on my own art, and I am creatively drained.

I am talented. I have technical skills too. I don't think the management here appreciate what I offer. I want to work for someone I can respect, that respects me. The circumstances which led to my working here are a bit sketchy... but I know now that it is time to go.

The company-owned hotel down the street is having an Art Exhibition this week. As part of an event this Saturday, I will be doing caricature work all day. They also convinced me to hang some of my illustration work in the show. I produce digital illustrations. The head of my department asked why I hadn't hung any real paintings. It rubbed me the wrong way a little. I'm not saying he is a bad guy or anything, but what I do is beyond his ability to understand and appreciate. You can't get mad at that, really.

This company does not demean me. This job does not demean me. I demean myself every day by coming here to work. I am better than this. I deserve the most blame. Every day I come here to work, is one less day of becoming better and happier. I will be putting in my 2 weeks notice, before the end of August.

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Blogger Julia said...

I think a lot of people have the mostly unfortunate experience of working in a job at some point over the course of their career(s) that drain them of the enthusiasm and love for what they do.

I think it's great that you can recognize that you're not in an ideal situation, recognize how it affects you, and are taking steps to remove yourself from that environment.

I wish you all the luck in getting back to what you love.

8:53 AM  
Blogger Stinkypaw said...

Good luck with that, and the fact that you're seeing things as they are, is great. You're the best person to evaluate your situation and what to do about it.

If you have a chance, check out a post on my "Feel Good Crap" blog, the last post should interest you... ;-)

12:07 PM  

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