Check Your Head

Do you ever wonder who in the hell makes those big checks that you see in those cheesy press pictures? It's me. I really would like to make a pen to go with each check. You know, about the size of a pool noodle. I think those big checks need a big check book too. Who came up with this big check thing anyway? Was it a really small guy? You can't cash them. They would be way more fun if you could. I want to take them to a really big bank and get huge bills the size of beach towels and coin change the size of serving platters. I want to live in bigland.