No More Cranky my Wanky, Donger Need Food!
Preppy Girl's upbeat post for today was 13 official reasons that she was "cranky" today. I considered doing a post about 13 reasons I was happy today, but because I'm not and yet I still wanted to be positive, I will do this...
13 Reasons I will NOT Kill Myself Today...
1. I don't wanna get blood on my good sweatshirt.
2. Today is payday and I like to touch my check at least before I send it to credit card companies.
3. I considered parking in the garage, cracking my windows and letting the exhaust do me in but gas is just too expensive.
4. The only stationery I could find to leave a note on had Hello Kitty on it.
5. I wanted to drink toilet cleaner, but I scrubbed the bowl with it instead.
6. I want to be around next week to see the dummy Pope insult Buddhism and eventually Hinduism too.
7. If I found a piece of rope and kicked the chair out from under me, my wife would just accuse me of "Hanging out in the basement."
8. Leaping off a cliff just seems pointless unless you tricked into doing so by a roadrunner.
9. I wanna lose about ten pounds before I die. You know... leave a prettier corpse.
10. Bad Karma. I don't wanna come back as a jack-ass. Then I'd have to be president.
11. I don't own a handgun and there were no coupons for them in last week's Val-Pak.
12. I considered stepping in front of a moving vehicle, but didn't want to be accused of, "Getting up in somebody's grill."
And finally...
13. Tomorrow is Show and Tell day at school and Chloe has to bring something that begins with the letter B. As a responsible parent, I feel it my duty to make sure she doesn't walk into class and show them her "BUTT."
13 Reasons I will NOT Kill Myself Today...
1. I don't wanna get blood on my good sweatshirt.
2. Today is payday and I like to touch my check at least before I send it to credit card companies.
3. I considered parking in the garage, cracking my windows and letting the exhaust do me in but gas is just too expensive.
4. The only stationery I could find to leave a note on had Hello Kitty on it.
5. I wanted to drink toilet cleaner, but I scrubbed the bowl with it instead.
6. I want to be around next week to see the dummy Pope insult Buddhism and eventually Hinduism too.
7. If I found a piece of rope and kicked the chair out from under me, my wife would just accuse me of "Hanging out in the basement."
8. Leaping off a cliff just seems pointless unless you tricked into doing so by a roadrunner.
9. I wanna lose about ten pounds before I die. You know... leave a prettier corpse.
10. Bad Karma. I don't wanna come back as a jack-ass. Then I'd have to be president.
11. I don't own a handgun and there were no coupons for them in last week's Val-Pak.
12. I considered stepping in front of a moving vehicle, but didn't want to be accused of, "Getting up in somebody's grill."
And finally...
13. Tomorrow is Show and Tell day at school and Chloe has to bring something that begins with the letter B. As a responsible parent, I feel it my duty to make sure she doesn't walk into class and show them her "BUTT."
posted by Mr. Social at
1:14 PM
3 Comments:
Another reason not to kill yourself would be the Canadian Figure Skaters who took "A Million Ways" by Ok Go and created a routine out of it. It's on my blahg. You've probably already seen it on YouTube too.
Also, we'd rather you not kill yourself because we kinda like you. You're a sweet guy. :-)
you can't kill yourself because:
I'd have no one to text message while I am at work on Mondays to keep myself from dying of boredom.
You haven't created my fabulous cartoon, business cards, and letterhead yet.
You would never find out what happens to Dim Kooley the crazy girl.
Another reason:
I would not want you to actually become a corpse before I have the chance to return "Corpse Bride" to you.
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