Tuesday, September 20, 2005

The Air is Crispy...

Fall is here and without further delay we must all prepare for the inevitablility of the coming snow. That is why I have decided to insulate my body this winter.

I have made a pair of pants out of Owens-Corning® FiberGlass Insulation. They are a bit itchy, but boy, are they toasty! I figure if I am able to scratch myself with a bent coat hanger when and where needed, I should be able to endure the scratchiness and continue to wear them into at least February.

I found a fleece shirt at the local Old Navy® that I have modified to help me maintain a constant body temperature in the cold months to come. I have stuffed the sleeves with 6 cans GreatStuff® to retard any arm drafts. I have also caulked the sleeve cuffs to my wrists to create an air-tight seal. The body of the shirt has been vinyl-sided with an attactive faux clapboard.

My socks have been wired with heating coil which I run on a portable generator. My gloves are heated by a methane boiler I've built in an old fanny pack.

I have yet to find a hat and boots, but I know this week there is a sale on ducttape at the HomeDepot®

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Something Wicked...

Where do all of the stupid-ass words go? Personally, I have a few words and expressions which I feel need to come back into common usage. So today's entry will champion the cause of these recently disposed of bits of everyday language:

1.) Bring back the word DAVENPORT. Couch just does not have the same sophisticated ring to it. Couch sounds like something it would be okay to put your feet on, while davenport has a royal quality. usage: "Get your feet off the davenport! That's what the hassack is for!"

2.) What ever happened to WICKED? We need wicked, if only to give some Righ-Wing Consevative Christians something to worry about. usage:"That new Camaro is freakin' wicked!"

3.) I have very little love for AWESOME. Truth be known, it never really went away, not like DECENT did. Anyone else remember this? Decent generally used to describe something which is adequate. But in it's hey day, the word DEEEEEEECENT was actually used to describe things that were a bit more than adequate. usage: "Dude, my mom and dad will be out of town all weekend. Deeeeecent!"

4.) The formerly popular RAD or RADICAL or even it's long-winded cousin RADIBONZICAL, is due for a comeback. Well, maybe not. usage: "My new Vans are rad."

5.) NIFTY, KEEN, and NEAT-O are three of the lost generation of words. The first 2 date back into the 1950's while Neat-o seems to have originated in the 1970's. I think the jury is still out on these. usage: "This new bike is really nifty but do you know what would be really keen? A new banana seat would be really neat-o."

Pepper some of these into your daily conversations and watch people wonder just what type of drugs you were taking this morning.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Fear and Loathing in James Vegas

Thursday. It just sounds bland. Yeah by the time you hit the big "TH", you are on the downhill part of the week, and yet there is truly no real reason to celebrate.

Here's the deal. How can a person love another, when he/she has issues loving him/herself? Can they? I've met more than a few people who outwardly seem selfish and self-centered, but upon getting to know them, they are some of the most generous people I know. And yet, while they try to save the world with scotch-tape and scissors, their own situation worsens to the point at which they have very little control. It's like they try to busy themselves to the extent that they have no or very little time to take care of themselves. They give, and give, and give until there is so little left of themselves that they wonder who they are and how they ended up here. That's gotta be hell on your self esteem.

I've often wondered whether there is truly a pure form of altruism. Most good deeds can be ruled out by arguing that the doer benefits in one way or another from the act. But the type of behavior I've described above and observed among a handful of my closest friends, cannot be positive for the samaritan. What started out as a person, ends up like a used-up tube of toothpaste; empty, useless, and twisted. And do you know how hard it is to get that stuff back in there?

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Ack, Scent You Ate the Poser.tiff

Hi there. I'm just typing away like a good little monkey should. Today's post is not clever, so if that's what turns your metaphorical crank, piss-off and go read another malcontent's life story.

Last weekend I played the guitar in a bar in front of living, breathing people for the first time in over seven years. It was cathartic. I needed a release. I heard from a few people that they liked it. It made me smile. I didn't play a perfect set, but I don't really think I've ever done that. I f*cked up a few times here and there, but no one mentionned it. The songs that were on, were really on, and that's what people talked up.

So as I think about the ridiculous crap I've been going through lately, I am inclined today to adhere to this; Quit obsessing about the messed up stuff, and concentrate on the things that were really on.

Last night, I talked to a guy who saw me play that night. I'm booked for a disaster relief benefit on October 2nd. Really on.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

The Art of Ventriloquism

Yeah. Back in the swing of teaching the future web designers of America. Such a sweet group of enthusiastic mimes. You know how most instructors in college like to hear themselves speak. I don't. So I've taken up ventriloquism. "Are there any question?" and then answer my own question through the ancient art of throwing my voice, "When the hell are you gonna shut up so we can take a ten minuter class break?" It always amazes.

Life is too fubar to talk about right now.