Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Chapter One of "How to be a Cool Dad (or Mom)"

Welcome to a brand new series of posts. I hope over the coming months to post fun stuff like this between the anrgy brooding outbursts. What do you do when confronted with making dinner AGAIN? Make breakfast, but not just any breakfast. Do something truly fun; completely nerdy... but fun.

If you are bored, it is because you are BORING. From within tedium comes the truest inspiration. My dad used to make breakfast for me and my sis almost every morning before school. It started out as a somewhat uninspiring exercise... but then it got strange. My father didn't go out and become a 5 star chef, but the breakfasts got more interesting and stupid. We literally and figuratively ate it up.


St. Patrick's Day: green scrambled eggs

Valentine's Day: Red milk on our cereal

Oatmeal Volcanoes: instant oatmeal mound in a bowl with a butter and brown sugar crater, surrounded by a milk moat.

If you ever met my dad, you would probably think he is a pretty cool guy, but then I think about this kind of "nerdy dad breakfast stuff" he used to do for me and my sis, and I think he's a nerd; an awesome cool guy dad nerd. And everyday, I find myself doing the same things for my daughter.

scattegories: another stolen blog thing

stolen from princess slea/stinkypaw

Rules: Use the 1st letter of your name to answer each of the following...
They MUST be real places, names, things...NOTHING made up! If you can't think of anything, skip it. You must use different answers. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question.

(in the interest of making this more challenging, i will use my real first name).

Name: Gary

1. Actor: Gilbert Gottfried
2. 4 letter word: gray
3. Street name: Girts
4. Color: green
5. Gift/present: glove
6. Vehicle: General Lee
7. Tropical Location: Galápagos
8. College Major: Greek
9. Dairy Product: Gruyèr
10. Thing in a Souvenir Shop: Glassware
11. Boy Name: Grady
12. Girl Name: Gertrude
13. Movie Title: Goldmember
14. Beer: Guiness
15. Occupation: Gunsmith
16. Flower: Gardenia
17. Celebrity: Gordon Ganor
18. Magazine: GAMES
19. U.S. City: Gerry, New York
20. Quality or Condition: generosity

Voluntary Victims... with all the Fixin's!

Stop it... just stop it! Complain to someone else... my god! If I hear you complain one more time about how awful you have it, I am going to puke. Are you in a situation you don't like? Who put you there? Who can change that? ME?

NO! I really can't! Help yourself for crying out loud! Life is a salad bar! Don't sit there and bitch about the shit on your plate! TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT! Make another trip! Clear your plate and start over again!

And if I don't take my own advice and walk the hell away from you, then I have no right to bitch about your bitching so GOOD BYE!

Mmmmmm... there's pudding over here!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Snow Buddy's Home

I had a fun day yesterday. It started early, around 7:30. I had to remove my vehicle from the driveway 'cause I was blocking in the wifemobile and she had to get to her job. After backing up approximately 4 feet, I got stuck. No biggie. I got out, shoveled around a little bit, gunned it, rocked it, and got unstuck pretty quickly.

Galoot, Preppygirl and the offspring skipped town on Saturday. I dumped them off in Wingtown to catch a flight to the Windy City. I walked their animal Saturday night and went over to blow their snow Sunday afternoon. To get to the snowblower, I had to pull Galoot's vehicle out of the garage unit. I did their sidewalk and then figured I'd go blow my own drive with it. I picked up the snowblower and threw it in the back of the minivan. I am an animal. Graaaaaaaaaaaah!

The hot muffler melted a hole in my coat. I took the blower over to the Ranch and blew my driveway. There wasn't much snow on it. Next I took a coal shovel and chipped all of the ice off the drive. I was trying as I broke off 3 foot by 4 foot chunks of ice to identify U.S. States, Countries and Continents. I piled the pieces on end atop the 6 foot high snow wall at the side of my driveway. Now if my neighbors turn into blood-thirsty Nordic invaders, I will be ready.

The sun went down, I loaded the blower back into the van and took it back to Galoot and Preppy's. As I was pulling Galoot's car back into the garage, it got stuck. Another 30 mintues of shoveling, and I was out. It was awesome.


Thursday, February 15, 2007

All I Really Need to Do is ...

I remember doing something like this a while ago.

It seems all of your goals and important information about your life can be found by using the Google® Search Engine.

By typing in specific statements which include your first name, you will understand all. The statements below were typed in and the search responses are posted after each...

"Gary wants" :

Gary wants to solve the trademark problem
Gary wants another mulligan.
Gary wants you to see the dryerballs.
Gary wants to lose his virginity to 'the right woman'
Gary wants more money

"Gary needs" :

Gary Needs a Job.
Gary needs your help.
Gary needs to be set up with a woman who is more OCD than he.
Hairy Gary Needs Laser Hair Removal.

"Gary should" :

Gary should definitely record a video message for the World Economic Forum in Davos and post it on YouTube.
Gary should be fired.
Gary should have filed suit for stealing his work.
Gary should stop to making blues recordings and go back to good old hard rocking.

"Gary will" ;

Gary will cut through some of the B.S.
Gary will show you how to draw different cartoon characters - in ten easy steps!
Gary will probably Get Some ...
Gary will be remembered by many for years ...

"Gary believes":

Gary believes he knows everything about Pokémon because he’s Professor Oak’s grandson.
Gary believes that life will not go according to plan.
Gary believes that in order for food to taste exceptional it has to be fresh!
Gary believes that an erotic image has to have a human element.

... by the way, the photo was also snagged by a Google® Image Search, and there was an awesome story that went with it that I may post in the comments section...

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

It Feels Very Tuesday in here...

Monday, February 12, 2007

Stopping the World...

Chloe's 4 years old. Her favorite song is "Melt with You" by Modern English. She is awesome.

You have to love your kids. It's a rule.

Sometimes I think liking them is more important. I really like her. Watching her discover things that I used to "own" makes me smile.

the end.

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Princess Slea

Okay... here's one for those of you in a Starry Night Boutique Galaxy far away...

Friday, February 09, 2007

Preppy Little Thing Called Girl...

My sister, some hot-shot! Here's her Ancient Chinese Secret...

She asked for it... and now she's got it... a custom icon!

Thursday, February 08, 2007


Not as easy as you might think.
1. Where is your cell phone: here
2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: absent
3. Your hair: natural
4. Favorite store: grocery
5. Your father: good
6. Your favorite thing: love
7. Your dream last night: naked
8. Your favorite drink: coffee
9. Your dream car: KITT
10. The room you're in: red
11. Your last ex: amazing
12. You are: optimistic
13. What do you want to be in 10 years: happy
14. Who did you hang out with last night: Chloe
15. What you're not: doormat
16. Muffins: stud
17. One of your wish list items: claritiy
18. Where is the: answer
19. The last thing you did: typed
20. What are you wearing: scarf
21. Your TV: filthy
22. Your pet: poops
23. Your computer: rules
24. Your life: uncertain
25. Your mood: aloof
26. Missing: Persons
27. What are you thinking about right now: beans
28. Your car: Caravan
30. Your summer: coming
31. Your relationship status: odd
32. Your favorite color: dark
33. When is the last time you laughed: today
34. Last time you cried: december
35. Work: lame
36. boys: sneak pool respect
39. drama: daily
40. camera: cheese
41. red: passion
42. jewlry: bling
43. school: house
44. clock: watcher
46. marriage: hobby
47. smell: fragrance
48. winter: tomatoes
49. fruit: fibre
50. pillow: talk